Who’s really got your back?

Do you ever stop and wonder, who’s really there for you in life?

I have been thinking exactly this lately. My parents have their own lives and ‘have brought up their kids ,now it’s their turn’ . I get huffed at if I call them any more than once every two it three weeks. So they have no time for me…

My friends have their own families. Their own children and husbands, who take up their time and energy. Which is cool. Thats where they should be…

But then it leaves me. Where do I fit in? Sure I have a son who keeps me busy. But what about adult company? I dont get out enough to meet anyone. Online dating is more like bootycalls. I cant do that.

So where do I stand?  I love my son dearly. But will I ever be anything more than a mum?

Pray for peace

I dont even know where to start writting this post. It has come to the medias attention that two, black men were killed unlawfully by police officers in America this week. The actual number of black men killed in America by police is a lot …

Birthdays are such hard work

Birthdays were so much fun as a kid. The cake the presents, a house full of cards. Once an adult ( or a parent I imagine ) it gets to be hard work. The frantically running around to tidy up after the kids. On top of trying to make the place look presentable for any guests that might pop in to wish you a happy birthday. We all know that we clean differently when people come around. Well I do anyway. Usually I tidy up, dust and hoover. But when someone comes around I need to tidy the shelves, sort through old magazines, check under the cushions incase they look down there. You’d think I was prepairing for thr queens arrival. Nobody will probably turn up anyway. Facebook is so easy these days. You can get away with not visiting anyone for anything.

Right… Back to re-arranging my medicene cabinet because you never know who will open it.

Happy Birthday to me

It’s my birthday tomorrow. I’m hoping I wake up with a gorgous toned, thin body, a bank account full of money and a nicely done up house. 

Or maybe i’ll wake up un-dillusional. 

I have no plans, all my friends have other plans. I guess their lives go on as normal. I mean, its not their birthday. Even though I do go out of my way to make them feel good on their birthday.

Oh well, more cake for me. I must remember to buy cake!!!

Positivity

OK, enough of the moaning . . . . dwelling on feeling like crap will not get me out of this silly circle. Let’s think about the good things in life . . . .

• I have a very loving son who adores me
• I have parents that love me
• I have friends that would miss me if I wasn’t here ( they would eventually I’m sure )
• I have a home that is dry and warm
• I am able to feed and clothe me and my son
• I have internet access to speak to you guys

What good things do you guys have in your lives? I think it’s always good to remind ourselves of how lucky we are instead of dwelling on the crappy things in life. I mean if you think about the big picture, we are very lucky compared to some people in this world.

Deep breaths now . . . positivity.

Anxiety, depression or just a bad few weeks?

Hey guys, sorry I havent posted in a while. I’d be lying if I said things were good. I’ve been feeling a bit crappy lately. Not completely depressed, but crappy. My life is good. I have a job, a family and friends ( I think …

Confidence . . and how to get it.

I can be the loudest person in the room. I can be bolshy and bouncy and be the life of the party BUT I had no confidence.

I bet you’re thinking that makes no sense at all. Well it does to me. I can act like I have all the confidence in the world. I have probably fooled half the people I know, but those close to me, like really close to me will know. I am the most paranoid, nervous person around. Especially lately. I put the blame all on stupid anxiety. I am a shell of the person I once was. I worry and overthink everything . . . so much so I annoy myself sometimes.

 

How do you get over anxiety? The constant butterflies in my stomach and  knot in your throat. The feeling like something bad is about to happen, or has already happened and you don’t know about it yet. How do you let your brain override that gut feeling?

I haven’t got the answers to that. I was hoping one of you guys would have it . . .

It’s the weekend, thank goodness

Dont you just love Friday nights. Knowing you have the whole weekend to do what YOU want ( or what your children want at least ) What are all of you planning this weekend? Me, I have no plans. Zero, nada, zilch, and this is exactly how I like it.

Today was hectic. Work was super busy as we were three people down. How is it fair you only get one wage when you do three jobs? I am exhausted!

Do you feel like you have to do something special with the kids on a weekend? Are your kiddies happy with just being at home, playing out or on their computers? I like to try and do something at least, most weekends. Just so I have some quality time with P. Otherwise he’s out playing, or in his room listening to music or on his phone . . .  he sounds like a teenager already huh? He’s not even 10 yet. I try not to plan though. Not think about it until Friday night. We don’t do anything on a Sunday though. To be honest I hardly get up before lunchtime on that day.  I know most of you will be frowning at your screens after that comment, but I’ve promised to be honest, and that’s what I will be. I think it’s important to have one day to relax. Maybe even have a pj day. At least a pj morning. Catch up on sleep and relax. Ready for the long week ahead. I do also try and do a sunday roast on a Sunday night. Then it’s back to our routine of bath, bed and  . . well just bath and bed.

That’s a thought. What time do you guys go to bed? I send P at 9 if possible. Super is at 6.30, then chill for an hour before bath time then straight to bed. It seems to work for him. Me, I don’t end up going until well gone midnight. I wake up at 7.45 do thats just over 7 hours sleep by the time Ive fallen asleep. Thats enough right?

If I was allowed I am one of those people who could sleep all day. Wake up to eat and pee and just rot away in bed. I would be perfectly happy with that. For a few weeks at least . . .

Let me know your plans for the weekend guys, inspire me. I don’t think you have to do expensive things with the kids, sometimes a trip to the park or a walk is great.

Oh you’re single . . . . poor you.

Why is it, when people find out you’re single, they always look at you with those pitty eyes. Quotes like ‘ I’m  sure you’ll find someone one day’ or ‘Maybe you’re too picky’ happen time and time again. Is it really such a big issue to be single at thirty?

To be honest with you guys, I have only ever had a handful of relationships. Neither lasting any longer than 9 months. Boys just don’t like me. I don’t have any trouble finding offers for a ‘quickie’ or a one night stand, even an affair( which is a no go ) . But I’ve ‘ been there, done that’ and am not into that at all any more. When I tell people I’ve not had sex in 2 or 3 years, they always looked shocked. ( Ive actually had a 5 year dry patch before the 3 years ago fling ) It’s something you get used to. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had alot of sex. When I was younger I would often pull at the club  and ‘bobs your uncle’a good night had. But these days I don’t want to be so intimate with someone I know I wont see again.Or even worse, someone I will see again but will totally ignore me. ( My pet hate!! ) I would prefer a kebab and come home on my own than that. Bridget Jones eat your heart out!!

So when people look at me like some charity case because I haven’t a boyfriend when all my friends are married. I wonder, are these people able to even cope alone? Some people can’t live without a partner. They will date anyone, just to be with someone. They are unable to be single. They are unable to be ‘just them’. Now being a single mum is a little different to just being a single woman. I don’t get to go out with friends to swanky bars like they do in the movies. My searching for a date would consist of  looking for a man with a microwave meal for one in the queue in Asda, or right swiping on tinder. Neither is much fun I have tried. Don’t get me wrong , I’m not against relationships IF I found Mr right, Id be all for it. But I’m not willing to have Mr right now, while waiting for him. Even if Mr Right doesn’t exist, who cares!! I’m me, I don’t need anyone to lean on in this world.

What’s the longest you guys have been single? Are you people who go from one relationship to the next? Are you scared of being lonely? How do you find your dates?